I truly believe words have a huge impact on myself and the lives of others. That is why I continuously learn how to use words wisely and to control my mouth. I want to be someone who speaks life into others and myself. Words are powerful and it is important for us to be wise with what we say, even ones in our minds that we don’t say out loud.
One of the things that I noticed about myself is the constant use of “should”/”shouldn’t”
I always say I “should” write more, I “should” be taking care of my health, I “should” be exercising more, or “should” be doing something besides what I am actually doing.
I have never considered the negative implications such a simple word can have until I tried to stop using “should” and replace it with more decisive and definitive words like “will” or “must”. I COULDN’T. Because I knew I wouldn’t do it. I didn’t want to commit!
I realised all my “should” talk were just talk. Realising that was awful. I was never going to exercise. I was never going to eat healthily. I was never going to write more. I was never planning on doing what I say I “should” be doing!
Every time I say I “should”, it basically means it’s never going to happen. I am just reinforcing the negative, and the fact that I am not doing it.
Begining of this year, instead of continuously saying I should write more (I have been saying that for years), I said I WILL and I started this blog and have been striving to write every day.
Truthfully, I have yet to declare I will eat better or exercise more because gosh, it’s a huge commitment! I cannot believe how hard it is to say “I will” when “I should” have been so easy!
Not only saying but thinking about “should” is also really unhealthy. I would think I “should” be more settled by now, I “should” be more successful by now, I “should” have X amount of money by now, or I “should” have done this or that.
Everytime I think I “should”, it sparks negative emotions like regret, self-judgement, anxiety, stress and lack of control. It takes me away from the present. It takes away my focus on appreciating what I do have, what I already achieved and what an awesome human being I AM.
Whenever something or someone triggers an “I should…” in my head, I will snap out of it and think about where I am now. Instead of thinking “I should have more money by now”, I think “I am very blessed. If I want to have more money, let’s take concrete steps to make that happen.”
Instead of wallowing in self-pity and replaying all the times I didn’t manage my finance well, I put the control right back in my hands and remind myself that I can work to make my life better.
I still use “should” more than I would like but knowing the negative impact that it has, I am consciously trying to be aware of how and when I use it.
I believe you can consider making the change too.