This is something I find myself saying a lot in the past. Even now, I still find myself blurting this out once in a while. It’s funny though, I hate it when someone tells me this but it’s an excuse I allow myself to use many times that has prevented me from growth.
I realised I use it when I am too lazy, too afraid or too prideful even, to take up other people’s advice.
This is one of the most unappreciative things to say to anyone who is sincerely out to help you.
You read an article teaching you how to improve your health.
“They don’t understand. I have kids. I don’t have time to exercise.”
Someone says you should speak up more to build up your self-confidence.
“You don’t understand. I was born an introvert.”
An entrepreneur teaches you how to start your own business.
“They don’t get it. I don’t have rich parents.”
People try to console your broken heart.
“You don’t understand. You have never got your heart broken before.”
NOBODY understands you. And after you said that, you continue being miserable.
We may be so hurt and trapped, we feel that we are all alone. But, we are not. There’s like 7 billion human beings on earth right now. Someone has gone through what you are going through and someone is going through what you are going through.
Maybe, you are right. Some people may not understand but they might know someone else who does who can help you. Don’t use this excuse to shut other people out. To put a full stop to whatever others may be able to offer you.
We don’t need to go through the exact same thing to empathise and care for others. Same as how others don’t need to go through the exact same thing as you to want to try to help you.
Sometimes, it’s our ego that is in the way.
“I am better than you, how can you understand me?”
We build walls that divide us from others when we refuse to be vulnerable.
Sometimes, it could be bitterness. You opened up before but others don’t get you. You may feel it’s a huge waste of time.
We need to realise our responsibility to develop our communication skills and try to communicate in different ways so we can express ourselves clearly and communicate better about what we needed for help. To be more explicit and not drop hints.
Ever realised when some people are stressed out, they get angry at the smallest things and when people try talking to them, they just burst? And some, they just clam up and refuse to talk. And then, they will think no one understands them or will help them. The problem here is communication. Others want to help them but they just don’t know how.
Remember, as soon as we say “You don’t understand”, we stop communicating, we stop learning and we stop trying.
We may not find the solution or the right people to help us immediately after we open up but I believe if we change our mindset, open our hearts and try often enough, we will realise there are plenty of help available to us in this world.
Have you had anyone you sincerely wanted to help and they just shut you down with a “You don’t understand”? Share with me in the comments below. I would love to hear what you do when someone tells you that.
*To my friends and family who have always been by my side, I am sorry if I have ever thrown you this dumb phrase when you tried to help.